The question I’m struggling with starting this blog is purely "what is it going to be about?” See, I’m a musician so automatically you would think that I would be writing about music, songs, inspiration and yes. Of course I will. But is it really just about that? To be honest, I’m struggling with the idea that people would actually want to hear my thoughts, my ideas, and my inspiration. But here I am. Hoping to make a difference. And with the internet being such a big part of our daily lives, wouldn't it be stupid for me not to use it. Don’t get me wrong, making a difference on my couch in my home, with a glass of wine and some cheese is great but some people frown upon people who talk to themselves.
I am not one of them.
And it’s safe. It’s just me.
So with the quest of answering my question I think about all the conversations I have had, and I try to find the theme song that always seems to pop up exactly on the right moment, on the right note with the perfect beat. God has such perfect timing. And He has been singing in my ears since the day I was born. The melody has changed as I have grown, my first encounter being a teletubbies inspired God song, to the spice girls anthem, a little bit of hip hop turned dub-step, classical to pop, as I move from one year to another and He always just seem to fit.
Since I was 13 I wanted to write His music down. These songs He sings to me. Everywhere. And how He has moulded me, changed me and inspired me. And after 24 years, I finally got the gust to share it with, well, the world (if I may be so dramatic).
I would describe my relationship with God as simplistic. Real. Personal. No earthly strings attached. Just us. Together. It’s tough for me to talk to people who have made this relationship with God so complicated by adding rules, religions, churches, buildings, admin that only separates them from the real, living God. Don’t get me wrong. There are amazing churches and I am a part of one that sings a long with my God driven song (I just rhymed. o. yes. )But what saddens me is the fact that people are missing what it’s really about. For me Christianity is about my personal relationship with God. That’s it. Why complicate it with big words that no one understands. Yes. This is just my opinion and I am so aware of the fact that I have so much still to learn. About God, His people, His ideas, His plan. I can look back now and with embarrassment see how, to put this lightly, stupid I have been, and most probably still am. I am aware of my human nature and my faults. But through the years one thing never changed.
His love for me.
And with every breath I take before I start to sing, my love for God grows deeper.
I am a normal girl, who gets fat when I eat too much, who struggles not the let a swear word drop out of my mouth, who makes mistakes, and probably will keep on making mistakes. Who gets angry, ridiculously emotional, happy, depressed. I have broken hearts and have been broken. I have seen some bad, but have been so blessed with way more good. I irritate people by always choosing to see the positive in people and life and I will never give that up, not with my amazing God. I love being a friend, loyalty and laughing, but not the pretty type of laughing, the "o.my.word.i.just.fell.of.my.chair.and.people.are.staring.at.me.", laughing. I am single and dealing with a lot of friends meeting their "one" and I see myself playing the star role in the South African version of "27 dresses-always the brides maid" . But man do I love being where I’m at. Knowing this is exactly where God wants me to be. Just me and Him. I do have days when I feel alone and where I get impatient with His timing. I also stress that by the time I am ready for a man they all are taken (that’s excluding the ones in prison). And yet each day I relax more and more when God sings an amazing -Bruno mars inspired- "you are beautiful" song in my head.
So, what’s this blog about?
Honesty. Being a normal girl, in a normal world, dealing with normal problems. But doing all of this with God as my background music-setting the scene just right.
