You are worth dying for

                      

     

I would like to share my thoughts on relationships. Yes. This is my thoughts, and I'm still very young, so I know I still have SO much to learn. I should rather say I would like to share my thoughts, which have been shaped by experience, other peoples thoughts and experience, books, movies and most of all by God. So you could actually say that I'm sharing my journey up until now and how I feel about it. 

This is as personal as it can get. 

And I expect you not to agree with everything, but maybe, for some, you can find some truth.

For me, relationships is what life is about. It's how we function every second of everyday. Your relationship with your family, friends, loved one, strangers, yourself and God. Each one as important as the other. It affects you emotionally, mentally and physically. It shapes who you are. It's the deciding factor on your choices and the paths you follow in life. I believe that is why Jesus was so focused on relationships when He was on earth, He knew this was the best way to make an impact and to share the truth. 

Everybody has this deep desire, this need to belong. It's why the Gr. 4's in my class are constantly fighting their way into groups, wanting to belong. You experience this need even more from children coming from broken homes. Belonging means safety. It means your loved. Your accepted. Your special. This is why you immediately become vulnerable. You allow the other person to be apart of your life, to shape who you are.

I have seen so many people in abusive relationships and people allowing the person nearest to them to hurt them. Immediately forgiving them, because, you know, he loves me. It won't happen again. I deserve this. 

The thing that upsets me the most is that the person being abused really believes all these lies the other person is feeding them. Manipulating every situation, every word, every movement so that you find yourself completely lost in what happened and out of pure exhaustion gives in. Taking the blame the other person so perfectly planned, you fall into another lie, constantly shaping who you are becoming.  These abusive relationship have the perfect timing, brilliantly keeping you prisoned in lies of promises. Manipulating you in believing you deserve all the lies and even makes you believe that you are lucky to be in this relationship, despite your flaws. 

The whole point of an abuser is to make you feel that without him/her you are worthless. And this person just loves to remind you of this lie, as soon as you start to doubt them. 

The irony of this is that, within this relationship you are actually accepting that you are worthless, that you deserve to be treated like an object, being shaped to fit perfectly in the abusers hands. You lose all of yourself, being shaped each day to be more and more worthless, becoming someone you can't even recognize. 

Then you get people who are not in a committed relationship but rather in desperate need of one. Some  people become so desperate to belong, to be loved, to feel safe, that they accept any form of "love" , giving themselves to anybody who are willing to give it to them. Even if it is only for one night. You start believing that this "friends with benefits" or "one night stands" means more, when the sad reality usually ends with you getting hurt, and you can't even blame the other person since they were quite clear on where they stood. 

Well this is quite depressing, so let me get to the positive part. 

If you find yourself in the situations above, the problem lies with you.

Waaait, hold up. Yes. I just said that. And I want you to read it again.

The problem lies with you. 

This is not depressing and you should not even for a second think that you deserve what is happening to you. The thing is, as soon as you realize that the problem lies within you, you realize that you have all the power to change it. It gives you power. The ability to change. To get out. 

The problem is that you believe that you deserve all of this. You deserve a person emotionally and/or physically abusing you. You deserve to share yourself with a person that, to be honest, doesn't give a damn about you. You deserve to be treated as an average person. Nothing special about you. 

It's within this problem that I found myself, that I read something that completely blew my mind.  ( I read this in the book from Rob Bell, SexGod)          

            

  

"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."

Jesus so loved the church that He died for her. He says here that the husband must be wiling to lay down his life for his wife. 

That she is worth dying for. 

Do you realize that you deserve someone that will die for you?  Isn't that the ultimate form of love?  An abuser could definitely convince you that he /she could die for you, since they have mad manipulating skills, but the sad reality is that this person is so self-centered, so self-involved, they love themselves waaay more than they will ever love you, and will most definitely not be able to give up their lives for you. Never mind the person that doesn't even want to be in a committed relationship with you. 

You are worth dying for. 

It's when you are in a relationship, that reflects the relationship that Jesus had with the church, that you are completely yourself, being loved just the way you are, that you are secure. That you feel safe. That you feel worthy. You need to be able to love one another so much that you are willing to lay down your life for each other. That is true love. And everybody deserves this love. Jesus laid down His life for the church. We are the church. If Jesus loves you so much, that He died for you, don't you think you deserve the same earthly love? 

You are worth dying for. 

Don't let anybody make you believe differently.