Be still

 

 

Click on the link to listen to The Fray cover- Be still

 

I told you that I was going to be honest on my blog. So here I go.

I watch Vampire Diaries. And Greys. And Brothers and Sisters. And. Well. Pretty much all the girly series. And I cry. A lot.

I wish I could say I wasn't so cliché. But when it comes to vampire love triangles and doctors whom the universe is against, I just can't help pulling the girl card. 

There, I admit it.

Ok, so what on earth has this to do with being still? 

Last year, in my Vampire marathon, I watched an episode where I came across a song, that at that moment of my life just blew me away. I immediately googled (what did we do before Google?) the song.

 "The fray - Be still" 

Yes, in the context of Vamps, one would suggest that its actually a bit strange that I'm linking this song to faith and God, but if you remove the song from the Damon-Elena-Stephan saga, it fits, well, perfectly. 

God says in Psalm 46: 10

" Be still, and know that I'm your God"

We feel our most alone when we are surrounded by noise. Noise of people not believing in you, noise of someone walking away, noise of our own voice screaming out our mistakes and regrets, noise of insecurities, the noise pain creates. 

Its when you become still, that you are able to hear the love of the people still standing by your side, your accomplishments, your worth, and most of all, you are able to hear God. 

In silence there is joy.

That's where God waits for you. 

You are never alone. Your just surrounded by noise. 

God wants you to have complete joy.

So

Be still.
 

I'm facing my fear of YouTube with a Rock&Roll attitude. 

My ups and downs with one constant - God

I've had a few interesting weeks behind me and my mood has shifted more times than my pregnant sister. I almost feel lost in my world of music, riding on an intense roller coaster of "ups" and "downs". One minute I literally can't stop singing of excitement and the next minute my melody changes to extremely weird noises filled with doubt and fear.

A lot of people has warned me against this journey of mine, saying that it would be tough. But I see it more as a challenge and humbled that God has chosen this specific path for me. It's now that I've realised that opening myself up for the world to see (Im starting to like being over dramatic) has it's challenges. 

Feeling blue, I immediately think of my "get-over-yourself-plan" which follows the following steps.

Step 1. Go to the gym

Well. To be honest I didn't feel like running on the same spot for 20 minutes, then picking up heavy stuff just so that my entire body can hurt like hell the next morning. So I moved on to the next step

Step 2. Eat 

And not healthy food. No. The "I think I just ate a giraffe mixed with zebra burger and now I've turned into a hippo" food.

It felt good for 10 minutes, then I felt fat and was even more down that I didn't chose step 1 instead. 

Running out of steps I came home and automatically moved (with my hippo body) in front of my piano. At least my fingers would get some exercise. Then it dawned on me. What a big idiot I have been. What better way of getting my emotions out there than writing a song about it. 

Its a very simplistic song, with a very basic but extremely powerful message. 

>>No matter what, if I'm down or up, I will never stop singing His praises.<<

The recording is just an idea of the song, vocals and keys with some added strings. I would love to experiment with some electronic sounds and beats. 

I don't even have a name for it yet! If you get an idea, maybe let me know what you think? 

Click on the link to listen to the song

With our amazing God, He made me "stumble" across the following verse:

Coincidence? I think not! 

A voice of an angel (Give me this one cliche)

I have the privilege to work at a school where the head master actually uses my strengths and knows my weaknesses. So, NO sport for me! I can't catch a ball to save my life. Why, o,why, run around trying to catch something that just always seems to be aimed at my head? Last year, the school decided that for my extra murals I will be doing the choir (hallelujah), the Glee Club and chess. Yes. Chess.  I sucked so badly at it that the school finally came to their senses and removed it from my duties.

With a renewed self-confidence I auditioned 100-ish children (in our school it's cool to be in the Glee club) and narrowed it down to 25. (Yes, I cried when I had to end some of the children's dreams.)

But through this up and down emotional roller-coaster came Diego. A quiet 13 year old boy, with a voice so unique it made me use a cliche without blinking.

- A voice of an angel-

I recorder a video for you to experience this talent. He was very shy and scared, so some notes lost a bit of control. I am working with him individually and hopefully soon, he will be able to bless the entire world with his gift.  


And what a gift it is.

How He loves us- (my first Youtube video!)

About two weeks ago a girl asked me to sing at her wedding. She specifically asked for "How He loves us" from Jesus Culture. I love Jesus Culture and was very excited to learn the song. It was only until I gave it a listen that I realised that I didn't think I would be able to do justice to the song. It's a big song with lots on instrumentals and I was afraid that my voice and piano would not be able to fill it up. I even told the father of the bride that the song was not a good choice for the wedding. His reaction stayed with me and for the next few nights his presence in my dreams made me realise something was up.

So with the quest of having a good night sleep, I decided to give it a go and try to work out an arrangement that wont sound as if an entire band was playing a joke on me. I listened to the song for about 10 000 times and finally came up with an arrangement that had less instrumentals and verse repetitions. I also transposed it so that I wouldn't sound like a confused man trying to be a girl. After a few attempts I finally got an arrangement that made me happy. (I think my neighbours also rejoiced.)

The day of the wedding, I decided not to tell the family, and instead surprised them when it was my time to sing. I knew I should keep my eyes closed, for when people cry. I cry. And when I cry, I can't sing to save my life. So with my eyes firmly closed I started to sing. Immediately I felt the spirit fill the room and I realised that just as the family had once connected with God through this song, they were connecting with Him again.

I want to share my arrangement with you so I had to get over my fear of YouTube and looking like an idiot.



At the end of that ceremony, I walked out, completely blessed.

How He loves us.

May I have this dance?

Click on the icon to listen to Dans 

People always ask me what inspires me to write a song. Is it a melody? The lyrics or a bible verse? For me, most of the time God gives me an image. I start dreaming about it, people will randomly start talking about it, and my thoughts would constantly move around it.

I am 24 and at this age all my friends are either in a extremely serious relationship,engaged, married, some even having babies and then there is me. The group of people falling into the single category. Where this group of people usually were the majority and absolutely loving every single moment (pun intended) the mood has sifted to an almost hysterical depression of "I'm going to DIE ALONE!" . This group tend to be of the female gender since our need for a relationship seems to be more intense. And the fear of being that scary cat lady has never found the male version (My love for cats has decreased just for safety).

My conversations with all my single girlfriends always tend to follow the same pattern. " I love my life." I can do whatever I want." "I just love having time for myself." "Did you hear they got engaged?" "Maybe at their wedding I will meet my man." "Will I ever meet the one?", "I had a date with an ass", "All the good ones are taken", "I hate being on my own.",  "I'm too fat.", "I hate my life". "I'm not good enough.", "I deserve to be alone."

And then it came. The image that blew me away. Simple.

I found myself on the dance floor. Surrounded by people, and this one man was standing in front of me. Looking at me. I kept looking around, hoping that someone would want to dance with me. Praying. And there He was. Standing. Waiting. When I finally realized that He was there, He took me in His arms and danced with me.  And it was just us. Nobody else. The other people just seemed to disappear. I felt worthy.

What we don't realize, is that in this time, our "single" time, we have the ultimate opportunity to give everything to Jesus. He wants us for Himself. We are so stressed out and spend most of our time looking, searching for "Mr. Right" that we completely miss the perfect man right in front of our eyes. Jesus.

We are not alone because we're not worthy, instead we should completely shift our way of thinking. We are alone because we ARE worthy. We deserve the best. And until  our man has been shaped by God to be the best, we will remain in Jesus's arms. Dancing. Enjoying every second with Him. Only when our "Mr. right" is right, will he have the guts to cut in with your dance with Jesus.

I have written a rough draft of a song, hoping it will bring justice to this image. I have written it in my home language, Afrikaans. and will give you just a rough translation. The song is sung out of Jesus's perspective.

Dans                                                                                 Dance

Jou oe dwaal, my lief                                                                  Your eyes are all around, my love
kyk na my                                                                                  Look at me
Neem my hand, vertrou op my                                                    Hold my hand, trust me
want ek is in beheer                                                                    I am in control
kom saam met my                                                                      Follow me

Liefling                                                                                       My dear
fokus net op my                                                                         Look at me
ek weet jys bang jy bly aleen                                                      I know you are afraid of being alone
maar jy's veilig hier by my                                                           But your safe with me
kom saam met my                                                                      Follow me

Kom dans met my, vertrou net op my                                         Dance with me, trust me
Kom draai hier in my arms rond,                                                Keep turning in my arms
voel die ritme in jou lyf                                                               Feel the rhythm in your body
want saam is ons alles,                                                               Together we are one
dis net ek en jy vanaand                                                             Tonight its just you and me
vergeet van jou pyn                                                                    Forget your pain
en kom dans                                                                              And dance

Ek kyk na jou, my lief'                                                              I look at you, my dear
so kosbaar vir my                                                                     Precious for me
as jy net deur my oe kon sien                                                    If you could see through my eyes
jou waarde heg aan my                                                             Attach your worth to Me
kom saam met my                                                                     Follow me

I have recorder a very rough version of this song on GarageBand, so please listen with a kind heart. I am still working on the arrangement and hopefully one day be able to record a good quality version of it. This is so scary, but here we go!!


When you feel down and the single depression bites you, look up.

He is right there.

Ready to dance.

Inspiration: First stop- All Sons and Daughters

All Sons and Daughters

Yesterday, I had the privilege meeting Nurden Cross, the General Manager of Christian Art Media. I was so excited and blessed that he made time for me, and, wow, driving home I never felt more inspired. For about 2 hours he gave me advice on my journey of becoming a full time gospel musician. One key point he mentioned is to know what is going on in the world. What music is everyone listening to? What type of songs are they writing? What style? What do people want to hear?

With Nurden on my side, we walked into a gospel shop and he showed me all the new up and coming artist, as well as the "old" favourites. With 3 CD's in my bag, I drove home and the music of All Sons and Daughters started to fill my ears.




At the moment this is my absolute favourite song, "Oh, how I need you" and I have probably listened to it about 50 times. What I just LOVE about their music is their amazing melody lines, where the harmonies just automatically fall into place. I would dare say it's not a main vocal with a harmony, but rather a duet, each melody as important as the other. When I listen to their music, Mumford and Sons  immediately come to mind ( another favourite of mine, and, well, the world). I love the country feel, especially the rhythm of the guitar and the live instruments all contribute to a real sound. Serving a real God.

Inspired?

I think so.

God's music and me.

The question I’m struggling with starting this blog is purely "what is it going to be about?” See, I’m a musician so automatically you would think that I would be writing about music, songs, inspiration and yes. Of course I will. But is it really just about that? To be honest, I’m struggling with the idea that people would actually want to hear my thoughts, my ideas, and my inspiration. But here I am. Hoping to make a difference. And with the internet being such a big part of our daily lives, wouldn't it be stupid for me not to use it. Don’t get me wrong, making a difference on my couch in my home, with a glass of wine and some cheese is great but some people frown upon people who talk to themselves.


I am not one of them.


And it’s safe. It’s just me.


So with the quest of answering my question I think about all the conversations I have had, and I try to find the theme song that always seems to pop up exactly on the right moment, on the right note with the perfect beat. God has such perfect timing. And He has been singing in my ears since the day I was born. The melody has changed as I have grown, my first encounter being a teletubbies inspired God song, to the spice girls anthem, a little bit of hip hop turned dub-step, classical to pop, as I move from one year to another and He always just seem to fit.


Since I was 13 I wanted to write His music down. These songs He sings to me. Everywhere. And how He has moulded me, changed me and inspired me. And after 24 years, I finally got the gust to share it with, well, the world (if I may be so dramatic).


I would describe my relationship with God as simplistic. Real. Personal. No earthly strings attached. Just us. Together. It’s tough for me to talk to people who have made this relationship with God so complicated by adding rules, religions, churches, buildings, admin that only separates them from the real, living God. Don’t get me wrong. There are amazing churches and I am a part of one that sings a long with my God driven song (I just rhymed. o. yes. )But what saddens me is the fact that people are missing what it’s really about. For me Christianity is about my personal relationship with God. That’s it. Why complicate it with big words that no one understands. Yes. This is just my opinion and I am so aware of the fact that I have so much still to learn. About God, His people, His ideas, His plan. I can look back now and with embarrassment see how, to put this lightly, stupid I have been, and most probably still am. I am aware of my human nature and my faults. But through the years one thing never changed.


His love for me.


And with every breath I take before I start to sing, my love for God grows deeper.


I am a normal girl, who gets fat when I eat too much, who struggles not the let a swear word drop out of my mouth, who makes mistakes, and probably will keep on making mistakes. Who gets angry, ridiculously emotional, happy, depressed. I have broken hearts and have been broken. I have seen some bad, but have been so blessed with way more good. I irritate people by always choosing to see the positive in people and life and I will never give that up, not with my amazing God. I love being a friend, loyalty and laughing, but not the pretty type of laughing, the "o.my.word.i.just.fell.of.my.chair.and.people.are.staring.at.me.", laughing. I am single and dealing with a lot of friends meeting their "one" and I see myself playing the star role in the South African version of "27 dresses-always the brides maid" . But man do I love being where I’m at. Knowing this is exactly where God wants me to be. Just me and Him. I do have days when I feel alone and where I get impatient with His timing. I also stress that by the time I am ready for a man they all are taken (that’s excluding the ones in prison). And yet each day I relax more and more when God sings an amazing -Bruno mars inspired- "you are beautiful" song in my head.


So, what’s this blog about?


Honesty. Being a normal girl, in a normal world, dealing with normal problems. But doing all of this with God as my background music-setting the scene just right.

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