You've crowned me

Wow, what a journey I've been on the following past month. Not only have I recorded my EP, which will launch on the 27th of October (keep an eye out!) but I also went on a photo shoot ( scary as hell, but I survived...and have a new found respect for models..it's hard and really awkward!). I have the most amazing graphic designer working with me, Magdaleen van Wyk, shaping and creating the most beautiful surroundings I'm walking through in this journey. With only an email trying to explain the image I have in my mind, she has perfected the image, branding and story I want to tell through amazing images and drawings, as if she has been in my mind and heart for years. I think God was just in the mood to show me how insanely BRILLIANT and in control He is, when He got her to join me on my journey.

I also think God was tired of me stressing out about the EP, and really tired of my constant praying, becoming a repetitive bore, that He grabbed me by the hand and led me into Gideon Murry's studio.(Katalyst Music Productions) In less than 2 weeks my 4 songs was done. Say whaaaat????? I have this image of God on one of those photos, with Him sitting like a boss saying, " I gots this." And, boy...did He. Hilandi du Toit, one of God's angels, protected me like her own child, teaching me how to walk, helping me step by step, and in the end I could dance to my songs ( my friends will know that I cannot dance to save my life, but jumping up and down counts, ok!). 

The brilliance of Hilandi, Gideon, Wikus du Rand and Sven Blummer played off in front of me like a Captain America episode and with their powers combined, they took my songs and turned them into super heroes of their own. With me, for once, not being in control, I could actually realize that God was in control. I could put my selfishness aside, stop focusing on what I want and what I was scared of and start to appreciate God's glory, humbly bowing down, embarrassed that I made it about me. My insecurities, my fears, my dreams taking a step back when God moved in, and with utter grace declares everything as His own. 

I would like to share with you the message I have been given in my songs and during my time with God and His people. This is the message that I want to tell, every where I go, every time I sing and every time I listen to God's songs. 

I've been overwhelmed with this image of God as this almighty, glorious and victorious God. A KING. In my insecurities and fears, I've realized that I was actually doubting God. Every time I doubt my future, I was doubting how powerful He is. Every time I chose to believe the people who told me that it could not be done, I was in essence choosing people over my almighty God, who told me that it could be done. For me, it almost feels like we have all forgotten who our God is. We have forgotten how powerful He is, how almighty He is. We live these passive lives, scared to do anything, scared of worldly matters, scared of violence, scared of stepping up and being who we are called to be. We feel safe in our closed up, guarded homes, living average lives. But, we're not living at all. When God sent Jesus to die for us, He defeated everything that divided us from Him. He defeated all evil. 

We have forgotten who our Father is. I can't help but think of the Lion King's scene, where Simba is confronted with his father in the sky. (Feel free to read it in Mufasa's voice) My pastor once preached this amazing sermon. Isn't the Lion King such a great example of where we are right now? Enjoying the company of Timon and Pumba, relishing in life, eating, sleeping and being pointless. Just as Simba was destined for something more, we are destined for something more. We are the children of a KING. We are co- heirs with Christ. Do you realize that? It completely blew my mind. As soon as we step up and realize who our Father is, a King of the universe, we can start wearing our crowns, proudly proclaiming and owning up to who we are. He chose us. We are His princesses and princes.

We need to pick up our crowns. It's waiting for us. Shining in Gods palm.

He crowned us with His glory.

You've been crowned.

Live it. 

We found love

                           

I was 11 when I first fell in love. I was busy walking home, when he appeared like a Backstreet Boys poster driving towards me on a bicycle.  Instead of playing it cool and Baby Spicing it up, my body decided to do the exact opposite of what the smooth voice inside of my head was telling it to do. Needless to say, I pretty much stayed invisible, melting so effortlessly into my surrounding environment, that not even my dog could sniff me out. It was when I saw his perfectly scribbled handwriting on my desk, him "hearting" the most popular girl, that I literally felt my own heart falling into my stomach, killing all the butterflies on its way down. 

And so came my first heartbreak. (Yes, I know he never knew of my existence, but it was very real to me! ) 

I am writing this post out of a girl's perspective so I am not generalising it to include the man's domain. I always thought that I understood men, but these days I really doubt my ability to read their minds. Talking to a lot of my girlfriends, I think this is pretty much the general process of this thing we call love. 

Welcome to the inner workings of a woman's mind. ( It's a pleasure) 

There is nothing more exciting than talking to your friends about your love life. (Or more boring for some of us, hehe). When people get together, you always start with the boring/polite questions of things you need to get out of the way so that you can get to the juicy stuff. Then hours can pass and we are as happy as can be, relishing in each others stories and sometimes gossip. We can watch the Notebook for the 100th time and still cry, hoping secretly that this will happen to you, because, you know, every girl deserves to be kissed in the rain, with swans, and Ryan Gosling. Then there's Moulin Rouge. O, my.. This is one of those movies where only my dearest people can watch it with me. Next to Lion King, this is the movie where I know every-single-word and karaoke reaches a new level. Singing both parts, like a boss. 

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

That just happened.
                                        

Ok, so seriously, what is this obsession with the human race and love. It's as if we have this internal instinct that kicks in after the age of "cooties" that drives us socially and emotionally. And sometimes it drives us completely mad. 

I've heard some people hypothesizing that the heart has a memory. It saves moments of how we physically feel during a moment of pure ecstasy or hell. It's like a ticking bomb, beating according to the rhythm of how you feel, exploding when you meet the one, and physically breaking when you lose him.  It controls your mind. Having so much power it blinds your eyes, makes you deaf and sufficates your rational thinking. Love is blind, right? It's such a powerful organ, that during the most difficult times of my life, my heart physically hurt inside my chest. Over dramatic...maybe...especially when you move into your "Ugly cry", but it's real. It's there at that moment.

When I meet someone, I physically look better. I may excercise a bit more, but it's as if my skin has been waiting for its moment to shine like Edward from Twilight. I radiate happiness. Of course..at the moment with winter and all, I look like the walking dead. My skin is literally invisible showing all my blue vains as if I am a map or something. Not my finest moment. 

When you are single, like me, or in an unhealthy relationship, you can't help but wonder, when is it my turn? Your social calender fills up with so many events, just incase you meet him there, even though you would much rather stay in bed. Winter is the worst. All my couple friends hibernate and I'm stuck with my electric duvet keeping me warm. You force yourself into the cold, go out, meet people, get bored, drive home, jump into your bed wishing you never left your amazing electric duvet, who is always there for you. Then realise how sad it is that you have such an incredible relationship with your bed.

Then you meet him. The one. And with amazing skin you love the world your in, walking on
sunshine, singing your own background music. And without realising it you're making youself so vulnerable, opening your heart up for him to play the beat. And it is amazing. Worth it. 

Then there comes a time, and most of us have experienced it, when the relationship comes to an end. Both hearts being ripped away from each other that it stops beating. (This is the time when the best songs ever were written) and it stays with you. 

I really do believe that a person can get "over" the other person. Not being in love with him. But what you've had, the relationship, the memories, how you felt will always be imprinted on your heart. And no matter how far you have moved on, when you see your ex with someone else, your heart can't help but skip a beat. 

You see, at the end of a relationship, your heart needs to find a new rhythm it can beat to, that's why a lot of people jump into the next relationship. I do believe that it's important that you find your own rhythm. That you are capable of living on your own. Being happy on your own. So that when you meet him, the "one", you can create a symphony together. 

We were made to be in pairs. God made Adam and immediately he created Eve. He planned it this way. 

Because He wanted us to experience just a glimpse of how much He loves us.

                           

    

We fall in love, we fall out of love, we break hearts and our hearts get broken.

And yet, no matter how many times we get hurt, we will always try again. Never give up (I sound like an epic song right now). Life is about love. 

Enjoy it. 

Switch on the light

                            

So my holidays are over and its back to school, back to reality. I am lucky enough to be teaching an amazing group of Gr. 4's - 8/9 year olds. Yes, my biggest passion is music but coming very close to it is teaching those crazy kids every week. I really don't want to go into the debate of why teaching is one of the most for fulling jobs and reeeaaallly do not want to touch the "you-are-permanently-on-holiday" discussion (one which my friends love to keep reminding me of) I rather want to share one of many moments where my heart literally bursted from gratitude and pure joy during these "few" hours spent with my kids.

Our topic for the week was fear/scary stories and I was asking the learners to share some experiences they have had. The main fear for most of my learners were the fear of the dark. And the intense and very real monsters that would come and visit them in the night. The atmosphere  in the class was quite daunting when a boy started to share his story. (It is very important that you read the next bit in a "Cape/Kaapse/coloured" accent)

"Mam, I did lie in my bed, nuh, mam, and I was looking at the door, mam, and then suddenly mam, I saw a hand, mam!!!! 

I almost peed in my pants, mam! " 

(Please note that I have a "did" jar for every time they use the word incorrectly) - I am coining it.

                 

                                (I told them to dress up as pirates to protect themselves...) 

Its really amazing how much "power" darkness can hold. Its the fear of not being able to see clearly, that revs up our imagination to such extremes that even the worst scary movie can't beat it. All our senses go on fire and even the slightest crack or movement sets 10 alarms off in one second. 

         

        

I've been struggling with loads of insecurities and uncertainties as many of us do...and it gets worse the older we get. From basic things as work, money, employment, to hard life choices that must be made. Insecurities about our self, still doubting "Am I good enough? Pretty enough? Funny enough? Active enough? Thin enough? " continues to lurk behind the walls long after high school. Insecurities and uncertainties have a tendency to from lies, imaginary monsters and hands ready to choke you, frightening you so much you "want to pee in my pants." The reality is, when you put on the light, they seem to disappear. You are filled with relief and confronted by the truth, that the hand was indeed just the shadow of a tree.

Harmless.

Every time you doubt yourself and insecurities fill your room, you are turning off the lights and you start to believe these imaginary lies. 

You are my lamp, O LORD; the LORD turns my darkness into light.

2 Samuel 22:29 (#1 of 25 Bible Verses about Light) 

What do we do when we are afraid of the dark? 

We switch on the light. 

Being honest with God

   

                     

In my very first blogpost, I told you that I was going to be honest with you, and throughout my blogs I really, truly wrote each blog from my heart, sharing my thoughts honestly. But during the past few weeks I have really struggled to post something, well something worthwhile ( I really don't want to bore you). Each day I woke up with a revived mission to write something amazing, but epically failed, returning to my position infront of my series. After two week of repeating this endless cycle ( and being left with only the "I'm watching this series even though it's boring me to death but it's all I've got left" ) I started to feel disconnected and dissapointed.

                                                    

                                                                    Hahahahaha! 

   

With my mood dropping into the ground and negativity biting my ass, I sat down with my best friend, hoping that her wisdom would save me. I told her that I've been struggling, not only with finding something inspiring to blog about, but also with my song writing. I felt so disconnected. What was going on? And then she came to a conclusion that blew my mind. 

Am I being honest with God?

Am I completely honest when I'm alone with Him?

Or am I "faking" it?

The truth is, some of us had that amazing camp, or outreach, or church service where our relationship with God was on a complete high. You were completely lost in God, constantly thinking of Him,
living for Him and talking to and about Him. The sad truth is this "high" really doesn't last long. Reality hits and day by day you move just an inch away, praying a bit less, or talking just a little bit less about Him. Until you reach a place where you feel disconnected all over again.

But this time with a sense of guilt. 

I've been blessed with so many amazing experiences where I first handedly saw and experience God's love, jealousy, power and grace and my relationship with Him has grown so strong since a very young age. It's come to a point, that to admit that I have again moved away from Him was, to be honest, embarrassing. So instead of admitting it, I faked it. When talking to God I would pray the way I used to pray when I was close to Him. I was asked to sing at a charity event a few weeks ago, and just before I went on stage, I felt extremely distracted, losing my focus. So, I went to the bathroom, and started to pray my "usual" prayer, 

" It's all about You Lord, it's all about You. May you be glorified..blahblahblah..." 

Ok..I know it's harsh, and I really meant every word, and I know it's true, but in a sense I was "faking" it. I wasn't honest with Him. Hear me out...God wants a real personal relationship with you. He doesn't want the perfect words, He wants my words. Instead of acting perfect, I had to be real with Him. I should've walked into the bathroom and told Him that I was scared, and that I didn't feel as if I had it in me to reach His standard. I was even a bit angry, why did He ask me to open myself up to so much critism, and now leave me feeling disconnected. Alone. 

The reality is, as soon as you are honest with God, no matter how irrational and wrong it is, He has
this amazing way to "step up" and to open your eyes. Being fake, I closed myself up for any miracle He has prepared to bless me with, but opening myself up, being honest, I make myself vulnerable, and therefore open to hear God's voice.

                                            

     

Since the beginning of this journey I've felt extremely insecure and stressed out. Every time I start to write a song I go through an entire emotional breakdown (overdramatic much?), feeling that I'm not good  enough or talented enough to even attempt writing God's music, but since I've been honest with Him, the devil has no more control over me, instead I have given these insecurities to God, and how He has turned it into something amazing. 

God loves us so much, He desperately desires a real relationship with each one of us. And when we're faking it, we close ourselves up to it. As soon as we are honest with Him, He gets to work, shaping our thoughts and hearts closer to Him, that in the end your prayers are only left with words of thankfulness. 

"It's all about You, God. It's all about You. May You be glorified."

You are worth dying for

                      

     

I would like to share my thoughts on relationships. Yes. This is my thoughts, and I'm still very young, so I know I still have SO much to learn. I should rather say I would like to share my thoughts, which have been shaped by experience, other peoples thoughts and experience, books, movies and most of all by God. So you could actually say that I'm sharing my journey up until now and how I feel about it. 

This is as personal as it can get. 

And I expect you not to agree with everything, but maybe, for some, you can find some truth.

For me, relationships is what life is about. It's how we function every second of everyday. Your relationship with your family, friends, loved one, strangers, yourself and God. Each one as important as the other. It affects you emotionally, mentally and physically. It shapes who you are. It's the deciding factor on your choices and the paths you follow in life. I believe that is why Jesus was so focused on relationships when He was on earth, He knew this was the best way to make an impact and to share the truth. 

Everybody has this deep desire, this need to belong. It's why the Gr. 4's in my class are constantly fighting their way into groups, wanting to belong. You experience this need even more from children coming from broken homes. Belonging means safety. It means your loved. Your accepted. Your special. This is why you immediately become vulnerable. You allow the other person to be apart of your life, to shape who you are.

I have seen so many people in abusive relationships and people allowing the person nearest to them to hurt them. Immediately forgiving them, because, you know, he loves me. It won't happen again. I deserve this. 

The thing that upsets me the most is that the person being abused really believes all these lies the other person is feeding them. Manipulating every situation, every word, every movement so that you find yourself completely lost in what happened and out of pure exhaustion gives in. Taking the blame the other person so perfectly planned, you fall into another lie, constantly shaping who you are becoming.  These abusive relationship have the perfect timing, brilliantly keeping you prisoned in lies of promises. Manipulating you in believing you deserve all the lies and even makes you believe that you are lucky to be in this relationship, despite your flaws. 

The whole point of an abuser is to make you feel that without him/her you are worthless. And this person just loves to remind you of this lie, as soon as you start to doubt them. 

The irony of this is that, within this relationship you are actually accepting that you are worthless, that you deserve to be treated like an object, being shaped to fit perfectly in the abusers hands. You lose all of yourself, being shaped each day to be more and more worthless, becoming someone you can't even recognize. 

Then you get people who are not in a committed relationship but rather in desperate need of one. Some  people become so desperate to belong, to be loved, to feel safe, that they accept any form of "love" , giving themselves to anybody who are willing to give it to them. Even if it is only for one night. You start believing that this "friends with benefits" or "one night stands" means more, when the sad reality usually ends with you getting hurt, and you can't even blame the other person since they were quite clear on where they stood. 

Well this is quite depressing, so let me get to the positive part. 

If you find yourself in the situations above, the problem lies with you.

Waaait, hold up. Yes. I just said that. And I want you to read it again.

The problem lies with you. 

This is not depressing and you should not even for a second think that you deserve what is happening to you. The thing is, as soon as you realize that the problem lies within you, you realize that you have all the power to change it. It gives you power. The ability to change. To get out. 

The problem is that you believe that you deserve all of this. You deserve a person emotionally and/or physically abusing you. You deserve to share yourself with a person that, to be honest, doesn't give a damn about you. You deserve to be treated as an average person. Nothing special about you. 

It's within this problem that I found myself, that I read something that completely blew my mind.  ( I read this in the book from Rob Bell, SexGod)          

            

  

"For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her."

Jesus so loved the church that He died for her. He says here that the husband must be wiling to lay down his life for his wife. 

That she is worth dying for. 

Do you realize that you deserve someone that will die for you?  Isn't that the ultimate form of love?  An abuser could definitely convince you that he /she could die for you, since they have mad manipulating skills, but the sad reality is that this person is so self-centered, so self-involved, they love themselves waaay more than they will ever love you, and will most definitely not be able to give up their lives for you. Never mind the person that doesn't even want to be in a committed relationship with you. 

You are worth dying for. 

It's when you are in a relationship, that reflects the relationship that Jesus had with the church, that you are completely yourself, being loved just the way you are, that you are secure. That you feel safe. That you feel worthy. You need to be able to love one another so much that you are willing to lay down your life for each other. That is true love. And everybody deserves this love. Jesus laid down His life for the church. We are the church. If Jesus loves you so much, that He died for you, don't you think you deserve the same earthly love? 

You are worth dying for. 

Don't let anybody make you believe differently. 

Your glory is so beautiful

                           

               

        

You know my complete obsession with All sons and daughters? Well, yeah. I admit it. I have a side to me that can become, to put it lightly, obsessed. Not really putting it lightly, is it?

         

         

I have their live CD constantly playing in my car and every week I get a knew song to obsess about. This week it's, "Your glory". Man, o man, do I love this song! This song's lyrics are so true for me. I often find myself in complete awe of God's glory. How perfectly beautiful He is. I sometimes struggle to put it in words, but now I have this song I can sing.

I have recorder a cover for you. I hope you fall in love with the song as I did.

https://soundcloud.com/andriette-de-la-harpe/your-glory-all-sons-and 

Your glory is so beautiful. 

God wears lipstick

                    

   

Last year I was going through a bit of a rough time emotionally and spiritually. I felt disconnected from God and embarrassed that I have lost myself in earthly matters. And more so that I have turned away from Him, knowing that He was the only one able to help me. I reach a point where God literally ripped all the things that kept me away from Him, out of my hands that I could finally hit rock bottom and realize that He was my rock. With desperation I walked into a Christian book store, dying to hear God's words, that I stumbled upon a book called, "SexGod". Yes. I know. That's quite a daring title for a book, and to be honest I felt a bit weird and uncomfortable even holding it. I knew the author very well, Rob Bell, and loved all his previous work. So I decided to give it a go.

                                                      

         

To this day, it has been one of the most mind-blowing-saywhat?-wow-I-never-thought-of-that books I have ever read. And I would love to share one of the images described in this book. 

The book focusses on a human's sexuality. The word encompassing several aspects, one of which is our humanity. Our humanity..our sexuality..is what differs us from animals and angels. It's what defines us. Neither angel nor animal. God has placed something unique in all human beings: we reflect what God is like and who God is. 

Everybody is the bearers of the divine image. 

Its when people objectify others that we strip them of their humanity. Instead of reflecting God, they reflect a nothingness. And its in this nothingness that people lose hope. In the book, Rob Bell tells a story of the war, where a soldier gives his account of a concentration camp.  A concentration camp's purpose was to strip away any humanity from the people. Leaving them naked, bare, objects, worthless, hopeless. The soldier recounts something that happened one specific day. 

"It was shortly after the British Red Cross arrived that a very large quantity of lipstick arrived. This was not at all what we wanted, we were screaming for hundreds of other things and I don't know who asked for lipstick. I wish so much that I could discover who did it. It was an action of genius, sheer brilliance. I believe nothing did more for these internees that the lipstick. Women lay in bed with no sheets and no nighty but with Scarlet red lips. You would see them wandering with nothing but a blanket, but with scarlet red lips. I saw a women dead on a table and clutched in her hand was a piece of lipstick. At last someone had done something to make them individuals again, they were someone, not merely a tattooed number on their arm. At last they could take interest in their appearance. That lipstick started to give them back their humanity. " 

Our humanity reflects God within us. Without it we lose sight of who we are within God. 

Sometimes all you need is a little bit of lipstick. 

Courage is grace under pressure

                       

It started with one person. One dream. One vision. One purpose. And a burning desire to for full this image, stenciled on his heart.

It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.
Ephesians 1:11

We are all destined for something. For some of us it is as clear as daylight, for others its been more of a struggle. But in the end, we all have a purpose. A reason for living. And this specific purpose has been designed by God specifically and uniquely for each one of us. Even if you feel a bit lost and without a purpose, know that God has planned something special for you and that you have been busy with your purpose since the day you were born.

For Francois Stone (my pastor), his purpose started to take shape in an image of a church. But, not the usual type of church, but rather something new. ( A tent in the middle of a farm had a sense of madness connected to it, but we went along with it). Consumed by this picture in his head, thoughts, words and heart, he took a leap of faith 3 years ago, courageously bringing this picture into reality.



                                      

Today his picture has a name and a community, growing gracefully in the presence of God. I asked him to write something about our church, iConnect, and would love to share it with you:

"Our name says a lot about who we are: iConnect …with God, myself, my purpose, my family and other people. This is so simple, but we believe that this, in a way, sums up the reason for us being here on earth – to connect with our Creator, our purpose… other people.

Another one of our sayings is: Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication! We don’t need a multi – million auditorium to get together in worship. We use a tent, but it is so beautiful, situated just out of town in a eucalyptus forest. Everything speaks of simplicity, but at the same time of sophistication. We don’t even try to be “smart” in our teachings, seating and worship, but people find a place where they experience something that money can’t buy – a relationship.

And that is exactly how Jesus described our connection with the Father, in the simple, but deep image of a father and a child. And we all need to be in such a simple, personal relationship with Him. Even if people are not even aware of it. There is a holy hunger in every living human being— a hunger from the Father with Father"

My very first song I sang at the very first service of iConnect is the Afrikaans version of Amazing Grace. Yes, I know. I believe God is a bit of a show off! Planning that song so frikin perfectly.

Whats your image? Your picture? The one thing that makes your heart tumble, makes your words come out 10 at a time, the one thing that you literally have no doubt about. The one thing that keeps you awake at night, and makes you dream in the day?

Remember:God's grace is upon you.

Take that step.

Be courageous.

Be still

 

 

Click on the link to listen to The Fray cover- Be still

 

I told you that I was going to be honest on my blog. So here I go.

I watch Vampire Diaries. And Greys. And Brothers and Sisters. And. Well. Pretty much all the girly series. And I cry. A lot.

I wish I could say I wasn't so cliché. But when it comes to vampire love triangles and doctors whom the universe is against, I just can't help pulling the girl card. 

There, I admit it.

Ok, so what on earth has this to do with being still? 

Last year, in my Vampire marathon, I watched an episode where I came across a song, that at that moment of my life just blew me away. I immediately googled (what did we do before Google?) the song.

 "The fray - Be still" 

Yes, in the context of Vamps, one would suggest that its actually a bit strange that I'm linking this song to faith and God, but if you remove the song from the Damon-Elena-Stephan saga, it fits, well, perfectly. 

God says in Psalm 46: 10

" Be still, and know that I'm your God"

We feel our most alone when we are surrounded by noise. Noise of people not believing in you, noise of someone walking away, noise of our own voice screaming out our mistakes and regrets, noise of insecurities, the noise pain creates. 

Its when you become still, that you are able to hear the love of the people still standing by your side, your accomplishments, your worth, and most of all, you are able to hear God. 

In silence there is joy.

That's where God waits for you. 

You are never alone. Your just surrounded by noise. 

God wants you to have complete joy.

So

Be still.
 

I'm facing my fear of YouTube with a Rock&Roll attitude. 

My ups and downs with one constant - God

I've had a few interesting weeks behind me and my mood has shifted more times than my pregnant sister. I almost feel lost in my world of music, riding on an intense roller coaster of "ups" and "downs". One minute I literally can't stop singing of excitement and the next minute my melody changes to extremely weird noises filled with doubt and fear.

A lot of people has warned me against this journey of mine, saying that it would be tough. But I see it more as a challenge and humbled that God has chosen this specific path for me. It's now that I've realised that opening myself up for the world to see (Im starting to like being over dramatic) has it's challenges. 

Feeling blue, I immediately think of my "get-over-yourself-plan" which follows the following steps.

Step 1. Go to the gym

Well. To be honest I didn't feel like running on the same spot for 20 minutes, then picking up heavy stuff just so that my entire body can hurt like hell the next morning. So I moved on to the next step

Step 2. Eat 

And not healthy food. No. The "I think I just ate a giraffe mixed with zebra burger and now I've turned into a hippo" food.

It felt good for 10 minutes, then I felt fat and was even more down that I didn't chose step 1 instead. 

Running out of steps I came home and automatically moved (with my hippo body) in front of my piano. At least my fingers would get some exercise. Then it dawned on me. What a big idiot I have been. What better way of getting my emotions out there than writing a song about it. 

Its a very simplistic song, with a very basic but extremely powerful message. 

>>No matter what, if I'm down or up, I will never stop singing His praises.<<

The recording is just an idea of the song, vocals and keys with some added strings. I would love to experiment with some electronic sounds and beats. 

I don't even have a name for it yet! If you get an idea, maybe let me know what you think? 

Click on the link to listen to the song

With our amazing God, He made me "stumble" across the following verse:

Coincidence? I think not! 

A voice of an angel (Give me this one cliche)

I have the privilege to work at a school where the head master actually uses my strengths and knows my weaknesses. So, NO sport for me! I can't catch a ball to save my life. Why, o,why, run around trying to catch something that just always seems to be aimed at my head? Last year, the school decided that for my extra murals I will be doing the choir (hallelujah), the Glee Club and chess. Yes. Chess.  I sucked so badly at it that the school finally came to their senses and removed it from my duties.

With a renewed self-confidence I auditioned 100-ish children (in our school it's cool to be in the Glee club) and narrowed it down to 25. (Yes, I cried when I had to end some of the children's dreams.)

But through this up and down emotional roller-coaster came Diego. A quiet 13 year old boy, with a voice so unique it made me use a cliche without blinking.

- A voice of an angel-

I recorder a video for you to experience this talent. He was very shy and scared, so some notes lost a bit of control. I am working with him individually and hopefully soon, he will be able to bless the entire world with his gift.  


And what a gift it is.

How He loves us- (my first Youtube video!)

About two weeks ago a girl asked me to sing at her wedding. She specifically asked for "How He loves us" from Jesus Culture. I love Jesus Culture and was very excited to learn the song. It was only until I gave it a listen that I realised that I didn't think I would be able to do justice to the song. It's a big song with lots on instrumentals and I was afraid that my voice and piano would not be able to fill it up. I even told the father of the bride that the song was not a good choice for the wedding. His reaction stayed with me and for the next few nights his presence in my dreams made me realise something was up.

So with the quest of having a good night sleep, I decided to give it a go and try to work out an arrangement that wont sound as if an entire band was playing a joke on me. I listened to the song for about 10 000 times and finally came up with an arrangement that had less instrumentals and verse repetitions. I also transposed it so that I wouldn't sound like a confused man trying to be a girl. After a few attempts I finally got an arrangement that made me happy. (I think my neighbours also rejoiced.)

The day of the wedding, I decided not to tell the family, and instead surprised them when it was my time to sing. I knew I should keep my eyes closed, for when people cry. I cry. And when I cry, I can't sing to save my life. So with my eyes firmly closed I started to sing. Immediately I felt the spirit fill the room and I realised that just as the family had once connected with God through this song, they were connecting with Him again.

I want to share my arrangement with you so I had to get over my fear of YouTube and looking like an idiot.



At the end of that ceremony, I walked out, completely blessed.

How He loves us.

May I have this dance?

Click on the icon to listen to Dans 

People always ask me what inspires me to write a song. Is it a melody? The lyrics or a bible verse? For me, most of the time God gives me an image. I start dreaming about it, people will randomly start talking about it, and my thoughts would constantly move around it.

I am 24 and at this age all my friends are either in a extremely serious relationship,engaged, married, some even having babies and then there is me. The group of people falling into the single category. Where this group of people usually were the majority and absolutely loving every single moment (pun intended) the mood has sifted to an almost hysterical depression of "I'm going to DIE ALONE!" . This group tend to be of the female gender since our need for a relationship seems to be more intense. And the fear of being that scary cat lady has never found the male version (My love for cats has decreased just for safety).

My conversations with all my single girlfriends always tend to follow the same pattern. " I love my life." I can do whatever I want." "I just love having time for myself." "Did you hear they got engaged?" "Maybe at their wedding I will meet my man." "Will I ever meet the one?", "I had a date with an ass", "All the good ones are taken", "I hate being on my own.",  "I'm too fat.", "I hate my life". "I'm not good enough.", "I deserve to be alone."

And then it came. The image that blew me away. Simple.

I found myself on the dance floor. Surrounded by people, and this one man was standing in front of me. Looking at me. I kept looking around, hoping that someone would want to dance with me. Praying. And there He was. Standing. Waiting. When I finally realized that He was there, He took me in His arms and danced with me.  And it was just us. Nobody else. The other people just seemed to disappear. I felt worthy.

What we don't realize, is that in this time, our "single" time, we have the ultimate opportunity to give everything to Jesus. He wants us for Himself. We are so stressed out and spend most of our time looking, searching for "Mr. Right" that we completely miss the perfect man right in front of our eyes. Jesus.

We are not alone because we're not worthy, instead we should completely shift our way of thinking. We are alone because we ARE worthy. We deserve the best. And until  our man has been shaped by God to be the best, we will remain in Jesus's arms. Dancing. Enjoying every second with Him. Only when our "Mr. right" is right, will he have the guts to cut in with your dance with Jesus.

I have written a rough draft of a song, hoping it will bring justice to this image. I have written it in my home language, Afrikaans. and will give you just a rough translation. The song is sung out of Jesus's perspective.

Dans                                                                                 Dance

Jou oe dwaal, my lief                                                                  Your eyes are all around, my love
kyk na my                                                                                  Look at me
Neem my hand, vertrou op my                                                    Hold my hand, trust me
want ek is in beheer                                                                    I am in control
kom saam met my                                                                      Follow me

Liefling                                                                                       My dear
fokus net op my                                                                         Look at me
ek weet jys bang jy bly aleen                                                      I know you are afraid of being alone
maar jy's veilig hier by my                                                           But your safe with me
kom saam met my                                                                      Follow me

Kom dans met my, vertrou net op my                                         Dance with me, trust me
Kom draai hier in my arms rond,                                                Keep turning in my arms
voel die ritme in jou lyf                                                               Feel the rhythm in your body
want saam is ons alles,                                                               Together we are one
dis net ek en jy vanaand                                                             Tonight its just you and me
vergeet van jou pyn                                                                    Forget your pain
en kom dans                                                                              And dance

Ek kyk na jou, my lief'                                                              I look at you, my dear
so kosbaar vir my                                                                     Precious for me
as jy net deur my oe kon sien                                                    If you could see through my eyes
jou waarde heg aan my                                                             Attach your worth to Me
kom saam met my                                                                     Follow me

I have recorder a very rough version of this song on GarageBand, so please listen with a kind heart. I am still working on the arrangement and hopefully one day be able to record a good quality version of it. This is so scary, but here we go!!


When you feel down and the single depression bites you, look up.

He is right there.

Ready to dance.

Inspiration: First stop- All Sons and Daughters

All Sons and Daughters

Yesterday, I had the privilege meeting Nurden Cross, the General Manager of Christian Art Media. I was so excited and blessed that he made time for me, and, wow, driving home I never felt more inspired. For about 2 hours he gave me advice on my journey of becoming a full time gospel musician. One key point he mentioned is to know what is going on in the world. What music is everyone listening to? What type of songs are they writing? What style? What do people want to hear?

With Nurden on my side, we walked into a gospel shop and he showed me all the new up and coming artist, as well as the "old" favourites. With 3 CD's in my bag, I drove home and the music of All Sons and Daughters started to fill my ears.




At the moment this is my absolute favourite song, "Oh, how I need you" and I have probably listened to it about 50 times. What I just LOVE about their music is their amazing melody lines, where the harmonies just automatically fall into place. I would dare say it's not a main vocal with a harmony, but rather a duet, each melody as important as the other. When I listen to their music, Mumford and Sons  immediately come to mind ( another favourite of mine, and, well, the world). I love the country feel, especially the rhythm of the guitar and the live instruments all contribute to a real sound. Serving a real God.

Inspired?

I think so.

God's music and me.

The question I’m struggling with starting this blog is purely "what is it going to be about?” See, I’m a musician so automatically you would think that I would be writing about music, songs, inspiration and yes. Of course I will. But is it really just about that? To be honest, I’m struggling with the idea that people would actually want to hear my thoughts, my ideas, and my inspiration. But here I am. Hoping to make a difference. And with the internet being such a big part of our daily lives, wouldn't it be stupid for me not to use it. Don’t get me wrong, making a difference on my couch in my home, with a glass of wine and some cheese is great but some people frown upon people who talk to themselves.


I am not one of them.


And it’s safe. It’s just me.


So with the quest of answering my question I think about all the conversations I have had, and I try to find the theme song that always seems to pop up exactly on the right moment, on the right note with the perfect beat. God has such perfect timing. And He has been singing in my ears since the day I was born. The melody has changed as I have grown, my first encounter being a teletubbies inspired God song, to the spice girls anthem, a little bit of hip hop turned dub-step, classical to pop, as I move from one year to another and He always just seem to fit.


Since I was 13 I wanted to write His music down. These songs He sings to me. Everywhere. And how He has moulded me, changed me and inspired me. And after 24 years, I finally got the gust to share it with, well, the world (if I may be so dramatic).


I would describe my relationship with God as simplistic. Real. Personal. No earthly strings attached. Just us. Together. It’s tough for me to talk to people who have made this relationship with God so complicated by adding rules, religions, churches, buildings, admin that only separates them from the real, living God. Don’t get me wrong. There are amazing churches and I am a part of one that sings a long with my God driven song (I just rhymed. o. yes. )But what saddens me is the fact that people are missing what it’s really about. For me Christianity is about my personal relationship with God. That’s it. Why complicate it with big words that no one understands. Yes. This is just my opinion and I am so aware of the fact that I have so much still to learn. About God, His people, His ideas, His plan. I can look back now and with embarrassment see how, to put this lightly, stupid I have been, and most probably still am. I am aware of my human nature and my faults. But through the years one thing never changed.


His love for me.


And with every breath I take before I start to sing, my love for God grows deeper.


I am a normal girl, who gets fat when I eat too much, who struggles not the let a swear word drop out of my mouth, who makes mistakes, and probably will keep on making mistakes. Who gets angry, ridiculously emotional, happy, depressed. I have broken hearts and have been broken. I have seen some bad, but have been so blessed with way more good. I irritate people by always choosing to see the positive in people and life and I will never give that up, not with my amazing God. I love being a friend, loyalty and laughing, but not the pretty type of laughing, the "o.my.word.i.just.fell.of.my.chair.and.people.are.staring.at.me.", laughing. I am single and dealing with a lot of friends meeting their "one" and I see myself playing the star role in the South African version of "27 dresses-always the brides maid" . But man do I love being where I’m at. Knowing this is exactly where God wants me to be. Just me and Him. I do have days when I feel alone and where I get impatient with His timing. I also stress that by the time I am ready for a man they all are taken (that’s excluding the ones in prison). And yet each day I relax more and more when God sings an amazing -Bruno mars inspired- "you are beautiful" song in my head.


So, what’s this blog about?


Honesty. Being a normal girl, in a normal world, dealing with normal problems. But doing all of this with God as my background music-setting the scene just right.

Follow me on Bloglovin

I am on Bloglovin, please follow me:

Follow my blog with Bloglovin